why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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