I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
