3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
