Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
