If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
