Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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