I wish I could teleport
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
