I want to walk on stilts...naked
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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