Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
