Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
