Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
