I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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