Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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