I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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