Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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