Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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