alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
