Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
