She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
