ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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