woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
