I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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