She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize