Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
