she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
