Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize