Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
