i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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