I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think your dad took our porno
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
