She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
