My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Randomize
