i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
