Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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