Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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