I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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