So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
