Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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