How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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