nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
