Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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