I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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