why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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