I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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