Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
