I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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