Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
