She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
