I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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