You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize