you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
