we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
