well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
