i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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