"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Four minutes until I can fart!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
