just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
