if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
