If i come over, it means nothing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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