new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
