GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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