Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
