don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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