So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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