I hate all girls vehemently.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
