tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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