fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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