Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want a musical about memes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
