John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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