If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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