Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
