3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
