the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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