the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
