im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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