I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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