You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
