You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize