I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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